sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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