; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
