Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
