I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
