Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
