Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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