stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
