Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
