what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In America we eat man semen.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't notice because vodka
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
