I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
