Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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