genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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