Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
