He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
