Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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