True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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