But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
