your thong is hanging out like whoa
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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