I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
