I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
