if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
