is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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