my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i think i just lost a toe
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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