its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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