I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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