you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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