She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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