I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
