I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
