We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
