dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
