I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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