just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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