Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
