Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
