When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
