In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
