Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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