Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
