Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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