and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize