The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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