Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
