And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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