Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
