I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
