oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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