Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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