Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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