I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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