so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
