Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
