what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
