ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
