Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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