I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
