May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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