I am puke
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found your dick twin last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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