Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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