Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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