guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and she was petting her beer can
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
