We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
