I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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