my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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