and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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