I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
