Christians are straight up FREAKS
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
