Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
