I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
