are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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