Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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