I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize