i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
