Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
